31st Dec 1996
I am now officially in Final Year, having successfully navigated the minefields of the past 3 and half years. Those now feel like minor blips compared to what awaits me in the next 12 months. All of the past 42 months will be now put to the test in the next twelve. Final Year is standing at the foot of Mount Everest only to find that you need to cross all the mountains and valleys that led you there all over again, with the skills and knowledge that you should hopefully have acquired in the process.
Final Year is more than a year of Medicine, Surgery, OG, Paeds and Orthopaedics. It's the culmination of all of MBBS, a final common pathway for all that one has learnt (and unlearnt) and the year when one moves from a reluctant stethoscope donning student to a full-on, hands-on clinician. A trainee clinician no doubt, but as close as one gets to that without an actual medical licence. At the end of this year, if successful, one becomes an Intern, the race of people considered Gods by the first years. I am one year away from reaching there but I feel like I might be a few light years away still.
I feel incompetent, stupid and thoroughly unprepared. There is no time to ease into Final Year. The last 2 years of clinics were designed for the "easing into" process, with regular clinics and lectures but I can't be more uneasy at the thought of being thrust into the deep end. We will have 8 postings in total, each of 5 weeks with a Ward Leaving at the end of each. The time for casual history taking and missed clinical findings has passed and each class of every posting will be intense, focussed and comes complete with ample "screwing" by everyone ranging from fresh Interns to Senior Consultants.
The stories don't help either. I have already heard how someone failed because they missed ONE lymph node in a Ca. Breast case or found an epitrochlear node and diagnosed syphilitic aortitis and failed (the examiners were convinced he knew the diagnosis beforehand) or failed to greet the patient and warm the stethoscope before putting it on the abdomen. Many such stories float around and we all hope that our batch will not contribute to the storybook. In every batch, about 10-15 students are expected to fail and there are some very unexpected failures also.
The books are also heavier, weightier and more in number. Medicine has as many books as one wants to read along with books for Clinical Examination methods. PJ Mehta is a favourite though some prefer Hutchison's. Surgery has one of the best written medical books in the world in Bailey and Love and although one now retired Professor had the adage "Love your Bailey Daily", I am guilty of no loving there. SK Das, a Clinical Manual, must be known completely and operative details of some common procedures have to be drilled in.
OG is the odd one out here. There are two books, Dutta for Obstetrics and Shaw for Gynaecology. Both are full of facts but apparently, the Head does not like Dutta and one has been advised to not carry a Dutta to the Wards lest it be seen on onself. Llewelyn Jones, an emaciated British alternative is the one to roam around with, it seems. However, most of the OG Viva in exams centres around practical information picked up in the Labour Room postings, a kind of rite of passage posting that we will do twice, once in each posting.
It's New Year's eve and today feels like the last day of my youth. Tomorrow is a fresh year, a fresh start and the beginning of the end of the road that will take me to my MBBS degree. There are many humps to cross and many miles to go before anything will happen. There is hope, of course.
And an unshakeable hopelessness.
I am now officially in Final Year, having successfully navigated the minefields of the past 3 and half years. Those now feel like minor blips compared to what awaits me in the next 12 months. All of the past 42 months will be now put to the test in the next twelve. Final Year is standing at the foot of Mount Everest only to find that you need to cross all the mountains and valleys that led you there all over again, with the skills and knowledge that you should hopefully have acquired in the process.
Final Year is more than a year of Medicine, Surgery, OG, Paeds and Orthopaedics. It's the culmination of all of MBBS, a final common pathway for all that one has learnt (and unlearnt) and the year when one moves from a reluctant stethoscope donning student to a full-on, hands-on clinician. A trainee clinician no doubt, but as close as one gets to that without an actual medical licence. At the end of this year, if successful, one becomes an Intern, the race of people considered Gods by the first years. I am one year away from reaching there but I feel like I might be a few light years away still.
I feel incompetent, stupid and thoroughly unprepared. There is no time to ease into Final Year. The last 2 years of clinics were designed for the "easing into" process, with regular clinics and lectures but I can't be more uneasy at the thought of being thrust into the deep end. We will have 8 postings in total, each of 5 weeks with a Ward Leaving at the end of each. The time for casual history taking and missed clinical findings has passed and each class of every posting will be intense, focussed and comes complete with ample "screwing" by everyone ranging from fresh Interns to Senior Consultants.
The stories don't help either. I have already heard how someone failed because they missed ONE lymph node in a Ca. Breast case or found an epitrochlear node and diagnosed syphilitic aortitis and failed (the examiners were convinced he knew the diagnosis beforehand) or failed to greet the patient and warm the stethoscope before putting it on the abdomen. Many such stories float around and we all hope that our batch will not contribute to the storybook. In every batch, about 10-15 students are expected to fail and there are some very unexpected failures also.
The books are also heavier, weightier and more in number. Medicine has as many books as one wants to read along with books for Clinical Examination methods. PJ Mehta is a favourite though some prefer Hutchison's. Surgery has one of the best written medical books in the world in Bailey and Love and although one now retired Professor had the adage "Love your Bailey Daily", I am guilty of no loving there. SK Das, a Clinical Manual, must be known completely and operative details of some common procedures have to be drilled in.
OG is the odd one out here. There are two books, Dutta for Obstetrics and Shaw for Gynaecology. Both are full of facts but apparently, the Head does not like Dutta and one has been advised to not carry a Dutta to the Wards lest it be seen on onself. Llewelyn Jones, an emaciated British alternative is the one to roam around with, it seems. However, most of the OG Viva in exams centres around practical information picked up in the Labour Room postings, a kind of rite of passage posting that we will do twice, once in each posting.
It's New Year's eve and today feels like the last day of my youth. Tomorrow is a fresh year, a fresh start and the beginning of the end of the road that will take me to my MBBS degree. There are many humps to cross and many miles to go before anything will happen. There is hope, of course.
And an unshakeable hopelessness.
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